Pinotchio goes shopping

 "Where's home?"
"My suitcase."
Eyeroll.
 "It's true."

Say it enough times and you start to believe it yourself. Today, I walked into IKEA thinking that I could find a suitcase. I didn't. I did get lost inside. They make the layout so confusing you don't get to leave until you've bought a kitchen. The only other way to get shown the door is by taking pictures for your blog in the children section.

Why do I need a suitcase? I have to check some items into storage (my grandma's apartment) before I leave for Japan. My current suitcase had weighed in at 53.5 lbs in Chicago. Although I have lost a shoe, and taken a write-down on a rugby shirt that the laundry people destroyed (navy blue apparently bleaches into curry-brown) I am going to play it safe as I don't anticipate any baggage weight leniency with my ticket for 65D. Add to that my plans to import some sake, and the goal is to cut weight down to 35 lbs.

For my storage suitcase, I don't need anything fancy. I head to the top floor of Sogo and there is a wide Made in China selection. But the salespeople tilt me considerably. Every two steps and a new salesperson tells me "Tie-ha-la, Tie-ha-la," which literally means, "look, look." Yes, people - I've got my eyes closed and am getting high off sniffing that red 40 Victorinox plastic - thanks for inviting me to look.

My tilt leads me to the Samsonite outlet. I see something suitable in the window. It doesn't have a price tag. I proceed with my usual method of deciding on a cutoff price before checking. This saves a lot of decision-making time and energy. $800-$900 HKD ($100-$120 US) is a clear do, but since I'm on tilt, I will pay up to $1278 HKD. I forget this is a Hong Kong shopping mall and am reminded when I get quoted $3750.

Time to hit the streets. How to find some shady merchandise? It's near where all the hookers are. Where are the hookers? I suspect synergies with the hourly rental hotels. And how does one find those? Smell. Sommelier diploma optional.

I find a stand that looks promising: ladies underwear, gold watches in photograph format, and a sign that has a bunch of Chinese characters on it along with the letters NDS and PSP. This is the Wal-Mart of chop shops, and there are some "Samsonite" suitcases in the back. It's not that I want a Samsonite knock-off, but the sweet old lady says it's only $288 (HKD). A gush of emotion overtakes me and as I'm reminded of my own grandma, I ask the one question that would make her proud: "How about $160?" She shows me how cool the lock is, and suddenly we have a deal at $250. I am such a pussy.