Despite spending the bulk of my life at ORD, today is my first time behind the mysterious door adjacent to the Red Carpet Club. This is the International First Class Lounge. I had no idea what to expect out of the airport hangout of people who spend $15,000 to $25,000 on roundtrip tickets. Would there be a glass of Dom Perignon being poured for me just as I approach my table? Would I get a blowjob?
I certainly didn't expect to push a button so that a machine could dispense 4oz of my favorite flavored coffee into a styrofoam cup. I needed to chase the Hazelnut down with a bottle of water.
"Excuse me, sir. Can you remove the Masterlock from the fridge so that I can retrieve a bottle of water, please?"
Neither were there heads of companies or supermodels in the lounge. Heads of companies and supermodels, I realize, probably do not choose to be on an airplane for New Year's Eve. Neither, apparently, do "regular" people. That's right. The only current occupants of the International First Class Lounge are myself and United employees. I tell a Japanese statue that it looks like they haven't remodeled this place since Gordon Gekko's first retirement. The statue does not look amused.
It's now raining outside. A part of me hopes that my flight gets delayed so that I'll have some time to get McDonald's.
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This made me laugh out loud....might not have been what you intended, but nevertheless, I laughed. out. loud.
ReplyDeleteI just read "About" - again, laughed.
you are very funny.
While my daily actions contribute absolutely nothing to society, I'm glad that at least my stories are amusing.
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